Our journey

I have not even been able to update you guys. I have truly forgotten & have been so busy with life, plus i have come down with a really bad cold so even seeing Madalyn is hard. 

Tonight my heart is sad tonight, its one of those nights, not for me or really for our daughter, but just in general. It still hasnt hit me that i am a mother, in fact it doesnt truly feel like i gave birth since i had to go c-section. I dont know if i have these feelings because she is not with me or if its just a combination of everything. I have tears of joy because i am so proud of myself. I never thought i would be here now months back when we received the news of her condition. I did it. I chose to continue my pregnancy and give life to the most beautiful little girl ever. How can anyone even give up a child at all, it kills me thinking about it. I am so proud of my daughter. She is now 26 days old & thriving more than ever. She is so full of energy, full of life, so full of love. I love it. It amazes me how much love i have for her. I cant wait till we bring her home & i can lay down with her, or sit in our own chair together, or do anything at all with her on my own. I am ready. I am ready to be a mother to her, completely. 

NICU life is hard. Not only for her because mommy cant be there all the time, but its hard on me. I cant be there every minute of every day and i want to so badly. I cant quite make my transition into motherhood, because i feel like someone else is caring for her instead of me. Its hard financially, emotionally, and physically. You spend so much money on food and gas back and forth, i constantly have my moments of sadness and helplessness, and i cant sleep at times. I cant wait for it to be over. I must continue to stay strong through all of this though. She needs me and i need her. 

I just want to share with anyone reading this now or in the future. Life is never easy & i have learned it first hand. Things don't always happen the way you want them too, but everything happens for a reason. We have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl who has an amazing story to share with the world. We aren't alone in this, you aren't alone in this, no one is ever alone. Take every moment of life, the good and the bad, and embrace them. Cherish them while you can. 

I will do my best to document our journey. She will almost be a month already & you have no idea what has gone on yet! I better get on it!