June 1, 2013

Madalyn had her surgery within 2 hours of being born. She had her entire stomach out and a majority of her intestines. We did manage to get a photo of it, but i am keeping it private for now for her sake. It was a lot though. They sedated and paralyzed her during her surgery to allow her bowels to go into place & so she wouldn't move. She had to also be put on a ventilator. She was really swollen already, but the pressure from her intestines were pushing against her lungs. It was really heartbreaking to see her fragile body hooked up to so many machines. I could only see photos of her while i was still trying to recover. I didnt get to see her in nicu for the first time till 15 hours after she was born. It was such an overwhelming feeling of emotions. She was so beautiful. I could only manage about a 10 minute visitation with her because i was in so much pain myself. I still had no idea what was really going on with her, i just wanted her to get through this.

After our visit, i cried. It hurt to see her like this, but it also was such a joyful moment. I had so many visitors in and out of my room the rest of the day. It was later in the evening & my husband took my mom to go visit Madalyn as i stayed in the room and rested. They came back with the biggest smiles ever. They got to touch her! I just about died! I had to get out of bed for this. I didnt want to miss it. Tony wheeled me in the wheelchair all the way there so i could get a chance to touch her. Seeing her incubator open and her precious body laying there made me instantly cry. It was hard work getting out of the chair but i stood up next to her and touched her head. I had tears rolling down my face. The first time i touched her ever. I wanted to hold her already so badly but knew i couldnt. Our visit was short as it was really late at night. I had to leave her yet again. 

 

Madalyn was stable the rest of the night. She was in a deep sleep literally sedated & paralyzed. They told me she would be like that for a few days to allow the ventilator to work its magic. There was pressure from her intestines pushing against her lungs but her abdomen didnt swell up like i expected it too. She was doing so well though. I could sleep at ease.