Rant.

Tonight has been a little emotional. I am struggling again with life stress and everything with the pregnancy. Ive been reading other blogs about Gastroschisis trying to prepare myself for any outcome. Actually learned of a lot that could happen with our little one. I still want everything to go smoothly and easy, but its hard when you face the unknown. I know we have a strong little one on our hands and i know she will do just fine, i just want it easy for her. I cant stand the fact that she will be staying in the hospital after i delver. It makes me so sad knowing these little babies get hooked up to all sorts of machines, and so many tests get ran. Its so scary, so upsetting thinking about.

I want to experience having a completely drug free natural birth. That was my plan from the beginning. Im now facing natural with drugs or cesarean. I was really stuck on having a cesarean, but every doctor says it doesnt make a difference, of course unless there are complications during labor. I want to experience giving birth like the body is designed to do. I still need to get a few more opinions from a few more doctors. I really want to be sure. I should be doing my birth plan in the next few weeks too. I really want to be prepared. Ive been told too that i wont be able to breast feed her right away, if at all. I will have to pump and freeze my milk until she is stable enough to take food. Its really hard on me. Some babies dont get to eat for weeks because they have to make sure their intestines are mature and properly working, that they are cleaned out, and that the babies are ready for food. Though she will be on an iv to still receive nourishment, theres still so much. Doctors say this procedure is an easy breeze and its not a big deal, but it is to me. I am the one who has to go through with all of this, i live with this everyday, and its my daughter we are taking about. They dont understand our emotional attachments to all of it.

These next 19 1/2 weeks are going to be so long. My belly is growing and i can feel it. I really didnt enjoy being pregnant in the beginning (about 6-10 weeks) but once my belly grew and looked more pregnant than a gut, its quite exciting. I just dont like the feeling of my stomach stretching. It feels like i ate a 30 lb burrito too fast every day sometimes. You know that feeling, youre so full that your stomach hurts. My feeling most of the time. I love having a little one inside my belly but i cant wait to have her already. I just want to see her little face and hold her little fingers in mine. That day will be one of the best days of my life.

Im going to continue to do some more reading. I want to know all the possibilities we have and every complication we can face. I have so much love and respect for every parent who has already gone through a gastro pregnancy. It is not easy at all.